Rugby players love to taunt us that “Football is a gentleman’s game played by hooligans.” The same sentiment applies to professional sports journalists in Spain.

For weeks now, madridista writers have accused FC Barcelona and Spanish Football Federation president Angel Maria Villar of conspiring against Madrid, against football, against puppies and against God. There is no evidence offered beyond the standard second-guessing of referees (a tradition as old as refereeing itself). As the drumbeat of conspiracy has crescendoed, and the headlines have turned ever more shrill, culés have begun to feel they must respond. And so we see a disappointing 2-2 result blamed on a harsh decision– the harsh decision blamed on the madridista writers– and the whole ugly package wrapped up in a bow of “I know you are but what am I?” (that is to say, Real Madrid’s comeback victory over Sevilla is chalked up to officiating mistakes).

It’s hard to blame the writers and publishers of partisan football rags. After all, theirs used to be an indispensable and almost honorable function. Before massive television contracts and widely-available internet streams, when only a tiny portion of the fan base could sit in the stand and watch the home side scrap its way through 90 minutes, sportswriters were our only conduit for information on our teams.

The internet has democratized the fan experience. Arguments about Busquets’ play in midfield or Ibra’s recent form can stretch round the globe without any of us leaving our keyboards. We don’t need sportswriters as much anymore, but they certainly need us. They count on our attention to sell advertising. Football journalism, in many places, is a simple bottom-line business. And nothing catches the attention of the Spanish football fan like a good chunk of morbo.

“Morbo” is a tough word to translate to english. Most dictionaries fail to grasp the whole of the concept, and Phil Ball needed a couple hundred pages to explain the concept in his wonderful book of the same name. Basically, it is the combination of emotion (outrage and passion work best) with a sense of scandal and an opportunity for vengeance. Sport is the perfect outlet for morbo, as many sociologists have observed over the years.

“It is good that sports are so important. They…play a role of relieving pressures in human beings which once had no other outlets but wars, Bedlams, and public hangings.” — Robert Nesbit, American Sociologist

In a country with so many distinct nationalisms, football sides are vessels for regional pride and results matter to us far more than they should (or so my girlfriends have always told me, while shaking their heads and packing their suitcases). The tension between Madrid and Barcelona is too old, too broad, too serious to fit onto a football pitch– and yet it does, at least twice a season. Recently, it’s even been crammed into the front pages of sport magazines.

“Villarato!” and conspiracy are the watchwords for Marca and AS. Their childish disease has has proved catching. As Barca fans, we may be inclined to nod along when El Mundo Deportivo decries Barca’s “persecution” in the press, and blames Marca for harsh decisions by the officials, but it is no less shrill or embarrassing when it comes from “our” side of this silly standoff.

Instead of serious tactical discussions, writers are left kicking sand back and forth across Iberia. “Pedro was offside (and a half-baked graphic to prove it!)” cries Madrid; “You’re influencing the refs! And Sevilla should’ve won because you didn’t earn the corner that led to 2-2!” shrieks Barcelona. “We’d be in first if you weren’t cheaters!” whines the capital; and on, and on.

Bad decisions, missed fouls, successful dives are all part of our beloved sport, and ever shall be. I guess the adult thing to do is to ignore it. It’s too bad Barcelona’s newspapers have decided to fight fire with fire. I for one will not feed this beast any more, with mouseclicks or words. I refuse to pay attention to this nonsense again until someone produces evidence of corruption, or invents a robot that will never get a call wrong.

by ock19