So far this season Barca have been a pale imitation of their former selves with performances doing little to inspire much confidence. But there is one area that Barca really do seem to have improved this season and that is in the stylish facial hair department. Maybe the squad have been inspired by their manager’s designer stubble, but it seems many of the players have begun to sport their very own fashionable face fuzz this season.

While the likes of Seydou Keita and Gerard Pique were already trying out the old chin warmers quite impressively last season, it seems that this term the trend has caught on throughout the squad, with new additions to the facial hair affectionado’s club coming in the form of Dani Alves, Lionel Messi and Victor Valdes – all of whom seem to be following Pep’s 5 o’clock shadow style.

Although it is great to find our facial hair coming through the ranks from the players already at the club, we are of course not above signing one or two pieces of face furniture when required with new boys David Villa and Javier Mascherano both obvious fans. And whilst Villa’s appendage cannot be strictly described as a beard, Mascherano does more than his fair share to make up for his Spanish counterpart’s short-comings.

As a side point it should be noted that whilst at Liverpool Masch was found to favour the heavier, fuller beard, but since his arrival at Barca he has trimmed down his impressive growth – perhaps in order to stop those around him feeling inferior. Now there’s the sign of a true leader!

But to get back to El Guaje and his famous little soulpatch – or coffee-catcher as we like to call it at totalBarca – one thing has struck us as the season progresses. Maybe old David has inspired his fellow forwards to try out their own distinctive image, with Messi going for the unwashed chic look while Pedro has honourably decided to go down a completely different and original path all of his own.

At first we weren’t sure about Pedro’s attempt to blend in with his bearded colleagues but finally we can say it. YES! Pedro we love your little moustache; all wispy and perfectly trimmed, combined with your head of luscious hair it really does make you stand out from the crowd. Some may say you look like an old style bandit but ignore them, you are our very own Speedy Gonzalez with the pace and whiskers to match.

Maybe in order to help the boy from the Canaries reclaim his form from last season we should all grow a little moustache in his honour?!

Or maybe we’re missing the point completely. While Masch, Keita and Pique can all get a nice full beard maybe the rest of the squad just can’t quite get the coverage? This explains why Puyol, usually the leader in every other department, hasn’t even attempted to join the gang. Maybe those who achieve some growth are just doing their bit and growing the bits they can. Come the end of the season, between Villa’s soul-patch, Pedro’s ‘tasch and Jose Pinto’s chin curtain they’ll end up with a beard they can all share. Alternative evenings and weekends.

Who will get to wear it on the team photo is still to be decided. . . .

This brings us back to another important point. That of player confidence. So while we hate to bring the discussion back to those who are failing, it has to be said that one certain forward really isn’t chipping in with very much in the facial hair department. That’s right – little baby Bojan. Although we don’t doubt he is trying his best to join the gang sometimes a player can just try too hard, leaving him frustrated, not only without goals but without even sideburns!

Everyone here at totalBarca is backing Bojan in this battle and calls for our readers to give him time. He’s only young. Once he hits puberty we’re sure he will get there. Maybe he should follow Pedro’s example and just start off small. Something is better than nothing after all.

Speaking of nothing, there is a noticeable lack of any facial hair over at the Bernabeu, where our bitter rivals Real Madrid seem to have cleaned up their act – at least when it comes to shaving. Last season saw honourable efforts from Iker Cassillas and Xabi Alonso but it seems this term both have decided do away with their beards, perhaps in the hope of keeping in the good books of their new translator, sorry Manager!

Looking at Madrid’s team photo, only Gonzalo Higuain and Esteban Granero are showing any real attempt to match the Barca boys in the chin cotton department, and whilst we have to admit having facial hair doesn’t guarantee titles, it does go someway to showing the mark of the man.

As a famous Greek philosopher once said “There are two kinds of people in this world that go around beardless—boys and women—and I am neither one.”

Let that serve as a warning to you Cristiano!